THE BODY LANGUAGE
OF WOMEN IN MANAGEMENT
MUST REINFORCE THEIR MESSAGES!

Body language is one of the best communication tools we have, yet only about 4% of us understand how to read it, according to Anne Warfield of Impression Management Professionals in Minneapolis.

Ms. Warfield gives a great example in a story she tells about a client of hers who was having a terrible morale problem in his office. The manager had asked his people what they wanted from him. They requested that he drop by their offices once in a while and that they schedule regular meetings with him. He was doing both things but morale continued to get worse.

Ms. Warfield was called in to study the situation and found that when he “dropped in” to people’s offices, he would take up the whole doorway or walk in, come up to their desks and look them in the eye – even if they were on the phone. This was understandably unnerving to everyone and definitely sent the message that their space was his space – domineering body language. At the meetings, he would sit with his hands behind his head, cross his legs, lean back and look at the ceiling, his body language saying that he knew all the answers which really frustrated everyone.

By changing his body language, he totally changed morale.

At your first opportunity, observe the body language of your organization’s executives. Not only will it tell you a lot about them personally, it will also give you more clues into the corporate culture and will let you know if there are body language signals unique to your organization.

If you’re new to using and reading body language and want to begin using it while you become familiar with its subtleties, start by mirroring other people’s body language. This puts them at ease and makes you more attractive and likeable to them.

Body Language in a Conversation

During any business communication, you will achieve a positive overall perception and avoid sending any inaccurate or mixed signals if you:

• Make and maintain eye contact (this says you are open and honest).

• Smile (this says you welcome the communication and the person delivering it).

• Nod occasionally (this confirms you are listening).

• Lean slightly toward the other person (this reinforces that you think the person is important).

• Tilt your head slightly while the other person is speaking (this acknowledges you are paying attention and willing to listen).

• Hold your shoulders back and walk with a lilt in your step (this sends the message you are forceful and energetic).

The messages you send with your eyes are the most important and telling element of body language.

• If you making little eye contact, you are saying that you don’t like the person with whom you are communicating or that you feel superior to them.

• If you look away a lot, you are saying that you are probably untrustworthy.

• Make steady eye contact to say that you are a person who is confident and honest.

Eye direction: truth or lie? When asked a question, a normally organized, right-handed person will look in a certain direction (from your perspective) as they consider their response. (The reactions of a left-handed person would be the opposite).

• Looking up usually indicates the responder is accessing visual cues:
  • Up and to the left, they are constructing a new visual image
  • Up and to the right, they are remembering visual image

• Looking directly left or right usually indicates the responder is accessing audio cues:
  • Directly to the left, they are trying to construct a sound they have never heard
  • Directly to the right, they are trying to remember a sound

• Looking down usually indicates the responder is accessing a sensation or feeling:
  • Down and to the left, they are remembering a taste, smell or feeling
  • Down and to the right, they are having an “internal conversation with themselves” and constructing a response (lying) – versus remembering.
  
  
  Science or science fiction? The experts differ in their opinions. You’ll need to judge for yourself. Caution: just because a person looks down and to the right when you ask them a question, don’t assume they are lying. Only experts in reading body language can tell with reasonable certainty.

  Before you act on this particular element of body language, especially with an employee, try some questions on friends or family members.

Involuntary eye reactions:

• When your pupils constrict, it indicates you are dissatisfied or unhappy.

• When your pupils dilate, it indicates you are happy or satisfied.

• When one of your eyebrows shoots up, it indicates you don’t believe what you is being said.

• When both of your eyebrows shoot up, it indicates you are surprised by something you have heard or observed.

• When you stand with your shoulders hanging, arms, folded and/or lean to one side, it says that you are fearful and feel unprepared for what is happening.

• When you stand with your shoulders squared, arms at your side, and your head held up, it says you feel ready for anything (especially if your fists are closed).

• When you shift your weight from hip to hip and fidget, it says you really don’t care about what is happening or being said.

• Leaning toward another person says “tell me more”. Leaning away says “I’ve heard enough”. (If someone starts listening to you leaning away then starts leaning forward, they are telling you they are coming around to your way of thinking.)

• Holding your head up straight says you are self-assured and authoritative. Tilting your head to one side says you are friendly and open. Nodding your head shows you are listening and agreeing. However, keep head movements to a minimum to ensure your image is powerful.

• Especially important for you as a new manager, know that if you raise your voice in a questioning tone while giving directions, it says to your listeners that you don’t believe the directions you are giving them are achievable.

What you do with your arms is an indication of your receptivity and self-confidence. The less you “cover up”, the more your body language is saying you are confident, open and secure.

• Crossed arms across your chest, especially if your legs are crossed too, says to others that you are shutting them out and are not interested in them or their message. Other people may also read anger and frustration into that pose.

• Gesturing with your arms may tell some people you are enthusiastic, but others may read your gestures as an expression of uncertainty and/or immaturity.

• The best place for your arms is by your sides, showing you are confident and relaxed.

• We all use our hands for emphasis. But when you hold their hands in a pyramid shape, especially if you touch your mouth with your forefingers, it says you feel powerful and can be very intimidating.

• Standing with your hands in your pockets indicates insecurity. If you’re used to standing with your hands in your pockets or behind your back, practice holding them at your sides until it becomes natural.

• Using your hands anywhere above your neck is considered unprofessional. (Touching your nose, for instance, may say you are being untruthful, and biting your nails, twirling your hair around a finger or making grooming gestures with your clothing or accessories says you are getting rid of physical tension by reassuring yourself.) Bottom line, your hands should always be seen – out of your pockets, loosely clasped in front of you, or on your desk or conference table, not under it.

• A lot of leg movement, jiggling, swaying, etc. says you are nervous. The least professional, and sometimes offensive, thing to do with your legs is to rest one leg or ankle on top of the other knee. This position says you are arrogant. The preferred position of polished professionals is feet flat on the floor or legs crossed at the ankles.

• Notice how people position their feet while sitting down. If their toes point out, they are natural extroverts; if their toes point in, they are natural introverts.

• Pursing your lips or twisting them side-to-side can say you’re thinking or are holding something back. It is best to just keep your mouth relaxed, except to smile.
• A “forced” or insincere smile uses only the facial muscles around the mouth and says you are “faking” the encounter, impatient to get it over with. A genuine smile uses most of the facial muscles and extends to the eyes.

• Standing makes you appear more powerful than sitting because you take up more space, but moving around while you are standing can be threatening because you take up even more space.

• If you are sitting down and need to convey power, use more space by putting your arms at the sides of your chair.

• Stand up while you are talking on the phone if you need to convey a sense of urgency. But be sure your voice remains warm and welcoming.

• And again the issue of “personal space” – standing too close to someone while communicating with them is not only disrespectful but says you have an “in your face” attitude and are pushing your point too hard.

• Standing too far away makes you seem standoffish, so find a comfortable medium.· If you are sitting down and need to convey power, use more space by putting your arms at the sides of your chair.

• Stand up while you are talking on the phone if you need to convey a sense of urgency. But be sure your voice remains warm and welcoming.

• And again the issue of “personal space” – standing too close to someone while communicating with them is not only disrespectful but says you have an “in your face” attitude and are pushing your point too hard.

• Standing too far away makes you seem standoffish, so find a comfortable medium.

In this day and age, almost everyone has access to some form of video taping equipment. The absolute best way to develop an awareness of body language, yours and everyone else’s, is to develop a brief presentation and have someone tape you delivering it. Or ask a friend or family member to discuss a topic, about which you both feel passionate, and have the discussion taped. I promise you will be amazed at all the gestures and postures that you were totally unaware of before.

Return to BUSINESS COMMUNICATION from BODY LANGUAGE